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[13 Aug 2005|04:08am] |
let me just remind myself how incredibly awesome the beach boys were tonight...the fact that mr.wilson is in love with me and etc. etc...tomorrow i shall post.
im tipsy.
i need to see steveo.
i need to see tina.
work from 2-10
im sleepy like whoa.
i cried tonite.
i hate being sad.
i was so happy. so sad. so everything. i need to sleep.
my family.
what a word.
he waited for me to go inside.
i jus sat faraway...in ur vision...and cried.
good nite.
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| life is the best when you share your birthday with betsey. |
[12 Aug 2005|05:21pm] |
i want to be excited about something.
im excited about everything.
im going to see the beachboys with ry.
he bought me tickets for my bday.
hearts.
my party was such a fun time. it was lovely to be surrounded by people i love on my bday. i wish steveo and titi were there and sean too.
i love nice people.
and i love how they recognize kindness.
i went to the beachboys two years ago...i was still goin out with pete...i went with my mommy. and john stamos called me on stage...and then when i came home...mark was in my drive way...i remember that being an incredible nite.
i need starbucks.
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*
i didnt get to post about my birthday with betsey...here it goes.
her and i share the same birthday.
so i was wearing a puffy party dress...it was beautiful..white and a pink ribbon...i looked like a lil girl...i went into her office and wished her a happy bday. she came over and thanked and hugged me...then she read my pin that said "today is my birthday" and she got soo freakin excited and she said..."omg we'll have a double celebration...i have to put on my party dress etc.etc."
betsey is crazy like me...she had a huge celebration...with insane amounts of cakes and roses and champagne...and...it was for the both of us <3
we sang to her...and then she requested everyone sing to me...and we took pictures and drank champagne...and i love her...during her toast she thanked me for inspiring the partydress theme for the evening...im not gonna lie...i love her...
i love working with her...i love being around people with such high energy and such a love for life...we rock.
so the beachboys are my favorite...im going to see them to nite...carissa-ann is in love with life <3
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[09 Aug 2005|11:45pm] |
my last few minutes of 19.
well officially itz 537am.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SPARKIE...thatz my gramps.
<3
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[31 Jul 2005|05:32pm] |
last nite i got hammered.
ridiculously so.
im over it.
it was fun.
so ima go on a date with mommy.
we're gonna get some amazing dinner.
august 10th is my bday...and ima have a major party situation. to the amazingness extent.
i miss bbq's.
we should have a bbq.
someone.
lol.
yeah livejournal. how about that.
in discussing my hectic life situation with steveo...ive come to terms with the fact...that from here on in..itz only gettin crazier. thatz my life though...and i like it like that...constanly buzy and on the move...i can handle it.
this entry is full of nothingness.
itz light and i need that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TITI.
TITI is amazing and i heart her with everything i am.
xoxo
loves for my birthday girl.
i hope your day is beautiful.
ok im out for now.
shower time dinner time love time.
rock.
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[01 Jul 2005|11:09am] |
last nite was one for the books...
run the gamit?
yep thatz what my emotions did last nite.
last nite i remembered the taste of cement.
the ease of throwing your life all over the grass and praying it will shatter on the air.
ive never been so miserable.
leave it to a girl that wears pink stars to turn it around
leave it to her to refill those sparkle bottles and wear them around her neck.
leave it to fate...i never felt so great before...destroying the mirror before your eyes.
i will not get into detail.
just know that last nite i saw things i never should have. no one should see. the attempts to destroy a person.
maybe one day they will know...starrs belong in the sky...
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| some sort of imagery. |
[07 May 2005|04:23pm] |
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itz best to surround yourself with positive people.
those that do not bring you down...are constantly complaining and negative.
energy drainers i would like to call them.
sometimes its hard to escape...but we'll make it through.
ive come to learn that people are crazy.
i love them. and they are all the same.
stripped of experience and time...we are the same.
made up of the same proteins, producing the same emotions, jus triggered at different times, etc.
i cant really handle things sometimes. im not gonna lie. and my smile isnt for perfection but for sanity. for how i WANT to feel..for how i can feel.
working with Betsey is incredible.
it is an incredible burst of energy.
its funny bc they are certain kind of people.
and i love them. they are beautiful.
my fitting today went beautifully. the fashion show is going to be great. i have it together. i know where i want to be and i know how to get there.
things are brighter than bright and i love it.
life is amazing.
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[04 May 2005|08:02pm] |
Your Birthdate: August 10 |
Your birth on the 10th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life.
The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated.
A birthday on the 10th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach.
This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush.
You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.
You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations. |
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[21 Apr 2005|08:14pm] |
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please help me.
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[21 Apr 2005|08:03pm] |
ive learned it is impossible to please everyone.
it is impossible to please yourself.
life is impossible.
i can not deal with being pulled in a million directions.
i am trying to remain calm.
i am about to break.
breath.
relax.
im sorry.
god.
always.
sorry.
i apologize.
it is never enough
i cant deal with critisicm out of context.
talk to me.
like a person. everyone please. i jus want to know...do i seem that out of touch..that hard to reach...i dont understand.
if im in themiddle of having an argument usually over a misunderstanding with the family...and someone else beeps in on my phone and i am bombarded...i apologize but i need to hang up...remove myself from the situation so i can confront whats goin on with a clearhead.
if the attitude carries over into another conversation it is merely bc i am overwhelmed.
it is not a personal thing...i am good at seperating things...but being annoyed while already flustered jus makes me want to explode. i hate my life. explaining this rite now makes me sound like a fucking retard. but i cant explain it. god im sorry. sorry sorry sorry.
that makes you weak?
god im sorry.
see there is no winning.
this is terrible.
this is terrible.
i hate everything.
i cant be home i cant be there..i cant be anywhere and it makes me feel nowhere.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
sometimes you need to scream. but u should prob. be breathing. u want to hold ur breath and hold your breath and stop breathing and turn blue and colors no on ever knew existed until everything goes away.
i am not a terrible person.
im not mean
i care so much about people
and lately i see...
nothing.
nevermind.
er.
i have to go deal with chaos.
im sorry im not hungry rite now.
im sorry you dont know me.
im sorry we cant hold a conversation.
im sorry im running away.
im sorry i was kicked out.
im sorry im misunderstood.
im sorry im sorry has lost its meaning.
im sorry for ___ ______ ____ __ __.
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| they said...describe colorful |
[18 Apr 2005|09:19pm] |
i said...my soul.
pink nails to your skin.
this time...we'll remember everything.
refreshing is a nice word.
cleansing of the <3
ehh.
who knows.
i know i love a few.
the definition has been redefined.
thank you.
thank you.
incase these words became meaningless.
take them apart.
they spell you.
im doing my macroeconomics online class work.
let me tell you...tis not a pleasant time.
however...life...life is a pleasant time.
so is a reese's peanut butter cup sundae from friendly's.
so is my life in manhattan rite now.
so is my heart..and those that remain in the phrases within.
<3...as if that could sum it up.
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[10 Apr 2005|09:20pm] |
im not gonna fall short.
fall apart.
not preplanned.
pre anything.
pre nothing.
im not writing here anymore.
i actually dont write.
dissapoint.
fall around it.
i am emotion.
i am pain.
i am __ ___.
i remember you.
the way you were driving when i didnt know.
im pulling away, so far.
i have fallen upon these pieces.
fractioned.
imperfect.
alone.
everywhere.
slices of you.
shiny and beautiful.
they were probably beautiful once.
we see it doesnt matter
this care we take.
this spacing this intentional/unintentional landing.
this i can not explain.
i will stretch my words so far unto nothing silence.
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[31 Mar 2005|01:31pm] |
i am generally a nonjudgemental person.
i like life.
i have stumbled upon a few issues i feel the need to rant about.
strippers/stripclubs/stripclub attendies:
"hi..im disgusting and dirty...i will show you my tits if you give me dollars. i am so far from the land of intelligence i need to resort to barbaric measures [ie: making a males genitals stiff] to earn money...i do not feel i can handle the cash register at Wendy's therefore i will demean myself and show all of the dirtiest men i have no respect for myself."
notice when an image of disgust and the bottom of society is trying to be portrayed...one of the first images available via whichever medium...a stripper.
attendies: the classic "I like hott girls"...point taken...do you like your life? bc i can end it. maybe if you didnt care about ur significant other...or she hated sex...wouldnt provide or satisfy you...wasnt appealing to your senses...whatever...but to disrespect ones words...errr. somehow im not too fond. jus thinking about this irritates me...i dont get emotional over things for the most part...but for some reason...i start to boil.
what type of person...honestly.
number 2: sororities/fraternities
this ofcourse is not directly at anyone but merely an outlet for which to express one's feelings...note the "journal"
Living...ive noticed..as well as many others im sure have...life provides a great amount of chaos. turmoil,tragedy, "torture" perhaps...through this..the natural process ofcourse...people that stick by you...help you...love you...they take on the definition *friend*
to creat an artificial chaos...in which a selection of people...longing to fit in(fit in to what is another question) can have the opportunity to "bond" through torture, humilitation, pain, etc. can they truly develop a friend?
well...being that more than 90% of the people that remain in this pledging stage are in it bc well why not...ive come this far why back down now...they're sure as hell not lookin out for you. WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU WANT TO EVEN ASSOCIATE WITH PEOPLE WILLING TO TORTURE YOU? i dont see Americans going out of their way to seek out terrorists just to chill and what not...WE'RE TRYING TO KILL THEM. we're protecting ourselves from people willing to hurt us...abuse us...look out for themselves...that are not trying to strip one another of INDIVIDUALITY but be unified in the belief of what...who knows...
i personally have gracefully bowed out of many relationships with numerous people willing to abuse me...torture me...humiliate me...backstab me...premeditate ways to inflict pain on not only my being but my life...
and here...by the hundreds of thousands we see girls and boys...rushing (no pun intended) to such organizations.
a personal challenge? if you want a personal challenge join the 26 mile NYC marathon. Challenge yourself to eat right...live a morally sound life..
maybe T-Shirts should be made...I SURVIVED THE STUPIDITY OF BEING TORTURED VOLUNTARILY BY MY "BIG SISTERS" MY "REAL FRIENDS". '05
what type of person can you be to subject yourself to such a thing...i didnt even touch upon the idea of going to school to learn...paying thousands of dollars to be maniupulated by people who could care less about you...that doesnt add up.
im sure i have more to say about both of these situations...gettin it off my chest..that was nice.
im off to work. a respectable thing ofcourse. def. not as exciting as offering a male a blowjob for an extra 50 dollars...but hey...we can't all be dirty whores now can we?
<3 all of my love.
riss
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[31 Mar 2005|01:33am] |
ps i had a fun nite with baby.
i like his suit.
jogging.
but its not for that.
doo da doo.
illpost about my fl trip soon.
ti ti i miss you.
what up alchemist.
narf
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| sham-rocks! |
[17 Mar 2005|09:57am] |
dont ask questions you dont want the answers to.
i need to live by that.
i need to stay calm.
i need not care.
last nite me and my boy went to chili's and got some chili stuff. haha awesome nacho things and a chicken tortilla soup i fell in <3 with.
saw ti ti and o man @ the movies. hearts for my favorite people.
then ryman n i took pix and he won me a zoe. yay.
i dont even know you.
i dont want to know you.
i tell lies.
im not good at this. i used to be the best at it. floating above. highlighter and starz. now...there is no color dark enough. clouds.
help.
happy st.patrick's day.
ima see the play tonite and im gonna like it!
florida tomorrow...ask me if i even began to pack...nope.
do i have a bathin suit...nope.
did i finish my paper due yesterday...nope.
xoxo
rissa
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[15 Mar 2005|10:29am] |
this is my last week of classes bc after this im interning.
absolute chaos.
finals...papers...projects.
major stressage...thankgod im not working this week...itz insane how things happen to work out.
me and ali have become really great friends again. i heart that she lives nextdoor...itz weird how easy u can take that for granted.
we hit up starbucks last nite and ry ry met up ...fun times to be had by all...caffeine is my drug. it does strange things to me.
my foot is scabbing and itz still purple...makes me scared. haha. damn boiling water to the foot is never good.
im goin to florida with my baby on friday...great times! we're stayin till tuesday should be lotz of fun. he wants to m eet up with his friend eric one nite...turns out ali is goin down there to meet up with our friend danny the same exact days in adjacent towns...strange...im not goin on vacay to hangout with other people...i wnat to chill with ry...but wutever. that makes me feel selfish...bc he doesnt get to see eric much...and i havent seen danny in years...so wutever im over it.
rite now i should be workin on my advertising project which is due at 1 and i still need to get to the library to use the standard rate and data book.
ti ti im sorry bout ur phone. i was over my texts by 260 so i couldnt text much...but new cycle started so rock!
and o man sorry i havent been able to chill but if uve read the above ...ull know why...and plus after this week itll be less crazy.
yay for me gettin a comp today or tomorrow it should be here...yay for new sexy computer.
ps lisa feel better...wut are u doin...blah.
so emotions are insane.
a world of their own.
their own level of classification and judgement.
the end.
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| i've lost it anyway. |
[04 Mar 2005|04:47pm] |
i remember hating people that never said goodbye.
i didnt understand hanging up with out salutation.
i guess theres no need for detail. i am that.
i also have grown to hate long goodbyez...goodbye i love you (please don't die)
i hated that feeling
i hated feeling
ihated that
i dont write anymore.
i dont feel anymore.
story teller.
story teller.
i do love.
i do hate.
i do.
enough with reasoning. i want to fall in again. fall into no stops no decisions no reason for you no reason for this i dont remember.
i hate my inability to remember. until i realize thatz why im still here.
ive learned erasing is ok.
unless i convinced myself its ok.
itz an addiction. (i wish)
and see this. this is false.
these aren't my words.
these aren't words.
they dont belong to anyone.
how does it feel without one to belong.
how does it feel?
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[01 Mar 2005|01:33pm] |
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so i feel like garbage rite?
rite.
my class starts at 1...itz 12 45.
i boil water for my tea...i put the teabag in the glass cup...my kettle boils...itz still whistling as i proceed to pour the boiling water into the cup...the cup is filling up rapidly when CRRRUUUUUSSSSHHHHAAAAAA the bottom falls out the cup splits into three pieces and whistling water is poured all over my skin.
my left arm...my right foot...my jeans...my life.
i cant move.
i rip off my jeans and put my foot and arm in the sink.
humorous...ehhh...painful...hmmm.
phonecalls are made.
boo-boos are made.
kisses are necessary.
class is missed.
talked to baby.talked to mommy.talked to titi.talked to myself.
im swollen and red and pray i dont blister.
u can imagine how long it took for this entry.
the end.
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| interesting. |
[28 Feb 2005|04:32am] |
so itz 430am.
ask me wut im doing...i am supposed to be writing my paper which is due in negative hours for my art history class.
ryans sleepin.
i slept for 2 hours i think until i forced myself up again to do this.
this paper rox. dont get me wrong. this is most likely one of my favorite assignments. i had to go to the MOMA and blah blah blah two pieces of art that i heart. so this is rite up my alley. but...not at 430 in the morning.
besides this nonsense...my visual merchandising class is meeting up tomorrow at the mall too research and blah blah blah...
after that...i have to hand in my paper and then proceed to take an art histroy midterm. interestingly enough i started studying for this a week before the break...and now for the most part...draw a blank when trying to recall...title and artist.
i was hoping for a big ol' Nor Easter to rescue me...jus my look itll start snowin at 2pm instead of 8am. So here I am screwin around on lj...instead of comparing rauschenberg and klein...and i have no control.
on top of this lovely sundae...i feel like garbage. a beautiful cherry contaminated with mucus and narf. hmmm. obviously chaos is erupting. my day starts from now. i need to depart. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. rock.
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| my throat hurts. |
[19 Feb 2005|03:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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itz gettin old |
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music |
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walk for me. |
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so these two weeks have been interesting.
ive run the gamit in terms of emotions.
ry's comin home tomorrow.
itz about time.
i mean. my weeks were awesome. i had a lot of riss time. did the whole skool thing work thing friend thing...but i miss my love.
titi and steveo have been angels..they always are.
my fashion show was last nite. it was awesome. I had a great time. it was def. interesting in terms of organization. in the beggining it was remotely organized...rehersals and what not...but i love chaos so it ended well haha. i think being backstage and frantic to find ur pieces get in order fix whats broken...thatz beautiful. modeling is so much fun and im so glad i have the opportunity to do it. high fashion is fantastic. i mean the other stuff is cool...but runway is where itz at. it jus solidifies my thoughts of being 100% in the field. this is what i love. and im so happy ive found that. i mean...sure there are a million things i can do or anyone can do...but when u find one of the things ur the best at...thatz gold. it makes me happy and itz beautiful.
and it was really special that lisa's mom came. that meant alot to me. i love her. shes such a sweet lady and i heart her.
funniest thing last nite.
alison's like...AHHH come to the skybar. so after telling everyone i couldnt hang out bc im driving way too far to pay way too much...eli,creamcheese,mark,ryanc,ali and i...get to the bar. (ps an hour away)..eli has no money...ryan has no money...vinny has no money..therez no atm...so we leave...without even really thinking about it lol...and drive from medford to west hempstead to go to cherryvalley and get cheesefries..freakin awesome place...this 24/7 deli that has the biggest menu ive ever seen...itz comical...it goes from one end of the place to the other...and the print is tiny..anyway it rocked.
i came home chatted with erika.
hit the bedtime.
woke at 8 very very sad. oh well.
and then fell asleep with my love on the phone with me at 9am woke at 3am and hopefully now goin to get breakfast/lunch/dinner with my mom...goin to church then workin then chillin with titi steveo and ali p. yayyy
...if i could throw up anything, it would be the words you made me swallow.
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